Running on Empty

Well? I am about tapped out. Pretty surprising how much resilience I seem to have lost in the last year. There is this principle that the more water you pour out of a jug, the more you need to refill if you are to keep it ready pour out again. Someone else compared it to breathing... you have to breathe in before you can breathe out. I’m out of breath. I feel like I am a fish on dry land... I know what I am supposed to do, but somehow, I just flop around with the water just a few feet away.

I have been waking up a lot during the night hours. Sometimes I have nightmares that are straight out of a horror movie... real slasher films... and other times I just sit bolt-upright without anything to distract me or cause me to wake. I usually get up and grab a bowl of Cheerios and have a cup of chamomile tea while I read from my Bible. The calm of the night is the best time to read, I find. Odd how I find comfort and disturbance in the same place and time.

I suspect the feeling of being out of breath, the nightmares and the times of sleeplessness have something in common.

I’m looking forward to July.